I'm Done

No one knows but you when you've had enough, and I have had enough.

I knew at some point yesterday was going to turn out to be explosive because I know the pattern of an addict - at least this one. 

Truthfully I was silently praying that he didn't come home for a few days or weeks because living like a prisoner in your home gets old, and it's just not fair. I don't deserve the things that he does or the words that he screams - none of us do.

I was on the phone when he started and I kept signaling like you do to toddlers to be quiet when you're on the phone, but he got louder and then the front door is being slammed, my garage door being punched and him outside screaming like a crazy person.

The evening ended with a broken front door, me wanting to do bodily damage to him, and us calling the police. I hate all of it!

I'm done, and to most of you that sounds like I'm a horrible person, but I won't live like this anymore. 

His birth mother sends little facebook messages saying hi son, I love you... Really? She abandoned him at 6 months old and has never been a part of his life, and won't even take responsibility today for him being born addicted to drugs. She's the one that did drugs through her pregnancy and ran away from her responsibilities. But he won't go live with her and destroy her house - funny how addicts love other addicts more than the people that fight for them.

I did a lot of praying last night for his safety and for him getting clean so he can become a man of God that he was intended to be, and be the father, son, brother and uncle that he should be. 

His God right now is his drug, but my God will save him.