Monday, August 8, 2016

Don't Believe The Lies

 It's so easy to get caught up and stuck on negative words that have been said to us, along with believing the labels that have been placed upon us. It makes us forget who we really are because we begin to believe the lies and lose sight of our goals, our dreams, and our purpose. We begin to believe the labels that are given to us. My father always had the comment, "is that the best that you can do?", no matter what I did. I carried the not good enough label way into my twenties. My mother always commented on weight, so I also carried the body image label. I became obsessed with working out for many years. Although I enjoyed the lifestyle of working out and being physically fit; I realized I was doing for reasons other than my health.

I was reminded of this when I met with a client last week. I had an emotional and deep conversation with a young man that started out in anger, quickly turned into tears, and ended with clarity and restored faith.

Everything he was screaming about was based on the opinions of others. I asked, " Why do you allow what others say and think consume your thoughts - you know who you are, and God knows your truth. You can't allow others to steal your joy and disrupt your peace. "

I shared with him that everything I do in my life I can live with at the end of the day. I believe in my choices and take responsibility for my decisions. I don't allow others to have that control.
I live my life based on God, not my family, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. I don't feel the need to worry about what others think or say about me. Furthermore, I have no problem saying no to what doesn't please God or feed my soul. I learned many years ago that it doesn't matter what I do in my life, there will always be judgement from others - we live in a judgmental world. I can't allow what others think or say hold me back, and keep me from living my purpose.

Once you acknowledge your identity you'll quit living for the approval of others. Walk your walk in faith and confidence in the direction that God leads you. Don't let the outside voices of the world break you down and beat you up - you were put on earth for greatness.

I want to end with this powerful song that lifts me up whenever doubt or fear tries to creep in and steal my peace.

Peace, Love, & Hugs!


Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Lies and Secrets

I don't want to say that I work really hard to be a good person, because that would imply that's not the true essence of who I am. The way I live my life is simple - honesty, loyalty, trust, and prayer.

If you live your life based on lies, I don't trust anything that you say or do. It's a personal thing. When you grow up in an environment based on secrets and lies, you value and respect honesty.

I had the honesty conversation with one of my granddaughters last night when my grandson blurted out some things that are going on in their home. Immediately my granddaughter reprimanded him stating that they're not suppose to tell people their parents business. I'm not going to lie, when she said that to him, the flashbacks started coming. I calmly explained to her that adults should never ask children to keep their secrets or lies, and if they live in fear of their business being told, maybe they should be living their life right, because I'm good with people talking about what goes on in my home. Simply because I'm not doing things that I shouldn't be doing! Am I saying that I'm perfect? Absolutely not, but I don't do things that would question my integrity.

My sisters and I had no one that fought for us, no one to tell us not to keep secrets, not to go along with the lies. We lived with a pedophile - all of his madness and his secrets were locked up in the vault of our souls planting weeds where flowers should have grown. We were held hostage to family secrets up until his death. I refuse to let the adults that are responsible for my grandchildren try to damage them by teaching them to lie and carry their secrets. 

I'm thankful that I live a life today based on faith. The old me would have been in a few people's face breaking them down with my words, and wanting to cause bodily harm. Oh, I still want to do that, but my faith tells me that I need to turn it over to God, so I'm praying for Gods will over them and this situation.

Peace, Love,, & Hugs!

Thursday, July 28, 2016

I Will Continue

I made a decision last night to get off of Facebook. Lately most everything I come across is negative. I'm well aware that there's some major issues happening in the world that we're living in today, but that isn't why I'm on Facebook. I don't want to see abused people, abused animals, hungry children, or read hateful angry rants because people aren't open minded and try to control the opinions of others.

Maybe I'm following the wrong people, but either way, it just wasn't feeding my soul any longer. The time had come for me to eliminate it from my life for awhile. I also made the decision to clean my camp as well. I've worked way too hard on myself to allow people to use me or play emotional games with me. Those that know me well should know that I detach easily and I trust few. I'm what happens when you grow up in a home full of lies, secrets, and broken promises - it teaches you to trust no one, and to walk away with out looking back. As much as I've grown, and as much as I love the person that I've become, I can't completely shake some things. But, I do know that I don't want to slip into the person that I don't want to be, I love myself too much for that, so I disconnect from what sends me reminders of the past, and triggers me to spiral down. I don't want the years of negativity that lived in my head for over twenty years to set up house again.
I read something on Instagram today that said, "If it's not gonna matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes upset by it." I found that to be such a profound statement, and from this day forward that's my go to quote when people involve me in their mess. It's my reminder to let go of what isn't for me.

I will continue to spread positivity and love through Instagram for the time being. I love the connections that I have made on this site. It's refreshing to have feeds with positive thoughts, posts that make me laugh, health and body wellness, and believers in God - this feeds my soul.

There's so many beautiful souls in the world working to bring light and love to those that feel lost. This is what I'm seeking - like minded people that want to focus on the good in the world while helping others realize that happiness is something that we all deserve and can achieve.

Find your happy!

Peace, Love, & Hugs!

Saturday, July 23, 2016

I Have Grown Weary

I read a few bible versus each morning, some positive quotes, and end in prayer before I begin my day.
This morning after everything that I read, Galatians 6:9 came to my mind. As motivating as that verse is, all I could think of is, I'm tired. I'm tired of committing twelve years of my life to a drug addict. I'm tired of doing good deeds for people that are unappreciative and never change. I'm tired of threats and verbal abuse. I'm tired of rescuing, tired of my family being torn apart, and extremely saddened and tired of my grandchildren living in a nightmare. The truth is, I have grown weary and I have given up.

I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to separate myself from my son more than I already had. I could tell that he had relapsed once again, and I knew that for my own peace I had to have little or no contact with him. Furthermore, he had made it clear by changing his name on Facebook to his birth name, and referring to the only father he's ever known as "my husband" when talking to me, that he had made a decision as well. Was it hurtful? I would say more unexpected and a slap in the face, but if it meant a new beginning for him in order to implement positive changes for his life - I say, go for it!

Did I think my distance was going to allow me the freedom and peace that I've been praying for? I was hopeful. But what I received instead was rants yesterday on Facebook that he was done with everyone and was going to kill himself, messages the day before from her that that he won't let her and the kids leave the house. Just endless drama. Here's what I know about those that live a drama filled life - you associate with drama, you like drama, or you are the drama - both of them are drama, and I am a recipient of drama due to my association with drama filled people, and I hate drama! I don't want it in my life. Another reminder to myself that I need to distance myself from the craziness.

Sadly, I didn't become emotional in regards to him talking about killing himself, and I could care less what the real story was with both of them posting on Facebook to play the part of the martyr. As my daughter Melissa said, " they can always find time to post on facebook when supposedly everything is so bad." I know that if I'm in a bad situation Facebook isn't my go to place. I'd be figuring out how to get the hell out of Dodge. But, this behavior is so common for the two of them - it's been going on for almost seven years now. My heart is with my grandchildren because it's their hearts that are being broken each day as weeds are being planted in their tiny souls. Sadness begins taking over where happiness once lived. I know that life, I was that child - they deserve more!

After a week of drama which one day led me to call 911 to only receive attitude for my efforts in trying to diffuse a situation. I once again told myself no more! But driving home late last night from a night out with my husband an unknown number called my phone at 12:30 am. I don't typically answer unfamiliar numbers, and I questioned my need to want to answer this one. I gave into my temptation and on the other end was a voice filled with anger and adrenaline asking me to come get him. "Mom, can you come get me? I'm hiding behind the Shell Station." As we drove tiredly across town my thoughts were with the babies. I prayed the entire ride feeling sick to my stomach. Then I made a phone call. I called Melissa and said," I just care about the babies." She immediately hopped in the car to meet us at their home.

As my husband I pulled up to the Shell Station I thought I saw for a split second the caring, loving, compassionate being that I once knew, but it only took a few seconds for rage and anger to surface, and witness the addict I don't like.
I wish I had more compassion for him because I can see the sadness, confusion, and him being lost in his eyes, but I can't. I've worked too many years on trying to help him live the life that God has planned for him, but he has chosen the dark side of life. I just can't anymore - it triggers emotions in me that brings back past demons, and I fought too hard to save my life. I'm not slipping back! I need to be strong and healthy for my grandchildren.
Judge me if you want, but addiction is a hard life for all involved, and my journey at this time does not lead me to his path.

On the way home I couldn't help thinking that maybe I shouldn't of answered the phone, but if I hadn't it would have been a fight night that my grandchildren would have to witness once again. It's selfish behavior from the two of them, and I'm tired and angry about it.

For those of you that haven't lived with addiction, I came across this poem that is a perfect description of drug addiction and what it does.

Story Quote #6365356
all quotes · story · Hello, my name is DRUGS - I destroy homes, tear families apart,

Hello, my name is DRUGS -
I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start. I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. And if you need me, remember I'm easily found, I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me, you'll see. But if you do, you may NEVER break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in my arms. You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from god, and separate friends. I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side. You'll give up everything... your family, your home... your friends, your money, then you'll be alone. I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I'll drive you insane. I'll ravish your body; I'll control your mind. I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, the voices you'll hear from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part. You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away. If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I'll be your master; you will be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me , what will you do? Will you try me or not? Its all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, LET ME LEAD YOU TO HELL.

Peace, Love, & Hugs!

Wednesday, July 20, 2016


Yesterday evening before bed I begin thinking about my life as a Life Coach. My thought was that I can help others find balance, hope, and restore their faith, but in my immediate family there's some that I just can't seem to reach. I know that people have to be ready for change, but it saddens me to witness suffering that can be avoided by making changes to their life.

My thoughts took me to questioning God's plan for my life - is this really my purpose?
I had to give myself a quick pep talk to stay focused on what I know is true, and to keep my mind from slipping to a place of defeat.
I had to remind myself that no matter how many setbacks or disappointments that enter my life, God still has a great plan for me. I can't allow myself to lose hope - if I don't have hope I won't have faith, and I've lived that life before - I have no intentions of going back. I have to take what God has given me, my special talents, and do all that I can do with it.

A few years ago my pastor did a great sermon on "someday" that has always stuck with me. I don't remember his exact words, but he talked about some of the greatest talent that we never got to experience. Such as, the best writers that we never read their books, artist that their work should have been in museums, talented musicians that we didn't get to dance to their music, athletes that we never saw play, singers, coaches, visionaries, entrepreneurs - the list is endless because we all have something magnificent to give to this world, but a vast majority of people take all of their God given talents to the grave, waiting for someday.

I occasionally have to remind myself that conditions aren't always going to be perfect, and me waiting for someday will just take my talents and dreams to the grave. I need to continue to be diligent in the pursuit of fulfilling my purpose because that's Gods plan for my life. I can't allow fear, a bad day, or a bad week to change the course of my life. I can't let the stumbling blocks become my road blocks. I have to keep my hopes and faith alive and remember that I'm not fighting my battles on my own, I'm not walking my journey alone, and someday is a crutch.

Don't let your talents and dreams go to the grave waiting for someday - show the world what you have to offer!

Peace, Love, & Hugs!

Friday, July 15, 2016

My Super Power

I had a Superwoman moment this morning. Actually a day in my house with animals and children is always a job for Superwoman, but today I actually had to leap in a single bound.
I have a 16 year old Pekingese that has a bad back leg, her hearing is almost gone, she can barely see, and the majority of the time I'm issuing a Silver Alert because she gets lost in the house and can't find her way back to the kitchen. 

This morning after walking in circles for awhile and making a couple of trips down the hallway, she finally made it to the kitchen to go out. I let her out while having my typical I don't want to conversation with the 2 year old, along with me calming the fussy newborn. The 6 year old had already decided to escape all of the chaos by retreating to her room. I'm also now trying to ignore the horrible sound coming from the piano that the 2 year old left open when he finished pretending that he was reading music, playing the piano, and singing to me his la, la, la song - now one of the cats is walking back and forth making music. Are you beginning to get a vision of my world?

As I'm being serenaded by the cat, my large dogs decided they want out - so out they go! I continue my deep discussion with the 2 year old on why you don't lay on the couch and fling your cup across the room while screaming, I'm done!  Suddenly my thoughts went to Phoebe (my old lady dog ) that hadn't barked to come in and had been out awhile. As I open the door I see my big dog partially in the pool looking down into it, and then Phoebe swims past like she's on vacation at a resort. What the hell! I glance back at the baby in her seat on the counter, and at the 2 year old running around. I look back at the pool and questioned how much time I had. Leaving a 2 year old unattended too long can be a dangerous thing. Can I get outside and back in before he notices ... no time to scream for the 6 year old to be in charge. So out I go... running, jumping in, and scooping Ms. Phoebe up before I was even missed. (Thank you Kimberly Cosenza for teaching me how to swim)

He didn't even notice I was soaking wet and holding a wet dog when I walked by him. It could be because he had made a nice puddle at the play kitchen cooking with some water bottles he had taken off the counter. Someday I'll learn to put the lids back on - at least he didn't go for the baby!

I'd have to say my super power for today was my super speed!

Peace, Love, & Hugs!

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Where is the Love

This song has been one of my favorites for several years, Lately I can't seem to get it out of my head with all the violence that's going on.

Music has always been my escape and my salvation - this song has always spoke truth to me and reminds me that there's still too much suffering in the world that we live in.
I think most of  us are working so hard to secure our future that we begin to live our lives in a box, forgetting those that are working hard just to see tomorrow. Sometimes the only thing that reminds us that we're living in a hurting world is something horrific taking place that shakes us a little, and then something sparks inside of us - it either sparks compassion or hate, but either way it's a reminder of the world that we're living in.

Click the link for the lyrics.

Have a beautiful day!

Peace, Love, & Hugs