Murraytalk

After spending the past weekend with friends and family I started thinking about how we all at least once in our lifetime made a decision that tests our character. I am a person that reacts. As much as I count to ten, pray first, or go to my zen place, it doesn't always work for me. Sometimes I just need to be heard, and if you're screaming and not really hearing my words I'm going to get as loud as necessary for you to hear me. It's not the best solution, trust me! But, it's my character - who I am. I could blame it on my childhood, but that would mean that I'm not taking ownership for my behavior. I don't believe it's fair as an adult to use them as an excuse for my actions in life. But, I do believe with any bond there will be some disagreement and some conflict - that's just life! We need to speak; our truths, discuss our hurts, share our joy and sadness, otherwise, it festers and it's like walking on land mines each time you're aro...

Last week I talked about how so many of us are living chaotic lives and feeling like we have no purpose. I stressed how impactful our stories are and how just a word of hope can change someone's life. It was five days after I wrote that I was led to share my story with a hurting soul that's spirit had been crushed. As I sat listening to the words that could barely be spoken as tears ran down their cheeks, I could not only see, but could feel the hopelessness and hurt. I guided, gave hope, and then I said, "I hear that you don't believe in God - why?", I asked. With no real answer given, I got it. I knew exactly where she was coming from - a place of years of hurt and disappointment. A place where you've cried too many tears and screamed out to God for help more times than you can count, and your life remains the same. I was there many years ago. I was living a life of one day not believing because I saw no changes, and another day of believing because I had...

Last week I had told myself to stop writing this blog. "What's the point I asked myself ?" I shared that thought with my good friend Deborah, and what she expressed was the reason I had started sharing my journey in the first place. It's giving hope to someone that is struggling. We never know who we will impact. There are so many people that live chaotic lives feeling like they have no purpose - I was one of them. I thought of what an impact one person sharing their story would have had on me during my darkest days when I felt nothing but hopelessness. Their survival story, or simple words such as, "You're going to make it." would have given meant everything to me. We all have the capability to be effective in significant ways for others. We can turn our "ripples" into a powerful wave that will change the life of an individual, but not while sitting in silence. Our voices can be great tools in helping heal others. People need to hear your...

I touched on how music and my poems got me through my dark moments, but what was also a huge part of my growth was my connections with people that God had placed in my path. He always had me connected with faith believing people before I had a true belief in Him. I didn't become a believer in God until 1989. I hadn't been walking in faith, I was just making my life decisions in the flesh with hopes that they would work out as I planned. In most cases they did, but I knew and felt that I was still missing something. I spent a lot of years just going through the motions of life never really being thankful for each day. I just expected tomorrow to be waiting for me. But all of that changed when I started having a reoccurring dream to move to Phoenix, AZ. I shared my dream with my husband and he applied for a job in Phoenix; went on the interview, and that was that. He didn't get the job and we didn't put much thought into it...we just continued going through the motion...

Happy, positive and determined had become my new way of living life; at least that's what I thought. But, we all know that life isn't that easy. I was positive in my thinking, but I always seemed to leave the window open just enough for a negative thought from my past to slip in and challenge my thinking. The majority of the time I was able to dismiss them, but I had one week in the late 80's that put up a good fight. It was difficult for me to climb out of bed each morning and function, and harder for me to smile. My smile had always seemed to get me through the worst of days, but this time I struggled. A good friend of mine, June, stopped by one day as I was lying on the carpet lifeless watching the kids play. She kept asking me if I was okay, and I tried hard to sound convincing that I was, but I wasn't even buying it. For the first time in my life the fight had left me and I didn't know how to get it back. This was my suffering, and it was just there. I had...

I know that I flew through 18 years of my life in just a few blogs, but you got the picture of what my home life was like. I lived through it and survived it, so I'm not very good today at making it sound as nightmarish as I did when I first started sharing my journey. I'll never deny that it wasn't good for any of us mentally, but I've healed, grown, and moved on. There's no going backwards for me, so hanging on to anger from it isn't my focus. That part of my life challenged me, pushed me, educated me, and made me who I am today - I'm thankful for it! My Epiphany It was in my twenties when I received my epiphany that I needed to work on my attitude about life. I had always told myself that the one thing that I would never be in life was my parents. But, one day as I was yelling about something senseless I knew that I was becoming what I didn't want to be. At that  moment I took ownership of what a shitty person I was. I was cynical, judgmental, a...

My days of sitting in solitude gazing at the sky asking God to take me away from my home had ended. I was older and had become wise enough to recognize that no one was coming to rescue me. Life at home was the same, and year after year family came to visit from California and New Mexico always leaving us behind when they left. I was tired of carrying false hope, so at the ripe old age of 15 I made the decision to no longer believe in the God that I knew nothing about. I needed to figure my life out, and I needed to do it on my own. I only had three years left to have a solid plan. I was no longer the little girl that for eleven years sat on the curb saying childlike prayers while never losing hope of  a miracle. I was done hoping and waiting - I needed to take control of my life. I was in High School now, and although my thoughts were more positive, my focus on school just wasn't there. As much as I loved school I was consumed with thoughts of leaving home. My mind was always...

 It's so easy to get caught up and stuck on negative words that have been said to us, along with believing the labels that have been placed upon us. It makes us forget who we really are because we begin to believe the lies and lose sight of our goals, our dreams, and our purpose. We begin to believe the labels that are given to us. My father always had the comment,  "is that the best that you can do?" , no matter what I did. I carried the not good enough label way into my twenties. My mother always commented on weight, so I also carried the body image label. I became obsessed with working out for many years. Although I enjoyed the lifestyle of working out and being physically fit; I realized I was doing for reasons other than my health. I was reminded of this when I met with a client last week. I had an emotional and deep conversation with a young man that started out in anger, quickly turned into tears, and ended with clarity and restored faith. Everything h...

I don't want to say that I work really hard to be a good person, because that would imply that's not the true essence of who I am. The way I live my life is simple - honesty, loyalty, trust, and prayer. If you live your life based on lies, I don't trust anything that you say or do. It's a personal thing. When you grow up in an environment based on secrets and lies, you value and respect honesty. I had the honesty conversation with one of my granddaughters last night when my grandson blurted out some things that are going on in their home. Immediately my granddaughter reprimanded him stating that they're not suppose to tell people their parents business. I'm not going to lie, when she said that to him, the flashbacks started coming. I calmly explained to her that adults should never ask children to keep their secrets or lies, and if they live in fear of their business being told, maybe they should be living their life right, because I'm good with people ...

Yesterday evening before bed I begin thinking about my life as a Life Coach. My thought was that I can help others find balance, hope, and restore their faith, but in my immediate family there's some that I just can't seem to reach. I know that people have to be ready for change, but it saddens me to witness suffering that can be avoided by making changes to their life. My thoughts took me to questioning God's plan for my life - is this really my purpose? I had to give myself a quick pep talk to stay focused on what I know is true, and to keep my mind from slipping to a place of defeat. I had to remind myself that no matter how many setbacks or disappointments that enter my life, God still has a great plan for me. I can't allow myself to lose hope - if I don't have hope I won't have faith, and I've lived that life before - I have no intentions of going back. I have to take what God has given me, my special talents, and do all that I can do wi...

I follow quite a few groups and blogs regarding addiction - yesterday as I listened to Rockers in Recovery live on facebook, it just reconfirmed to me how drug addiction is a growing problem that too many children and adults are losing their life to. It's not just a select few that many would like to think - it's people in our family, friends, and co-workers. I read on ASAM that drug overdose is the leading cause of accidental death in the US, and of the 21.5 million Americans, 12 and older had a substance abuse disorder in 2014, 1.9 million involved prescription pain killers, and 586,000 involved heroin. Do you see the problem?  I have addiction in my family and it is not just the problem of the addict, it becomes a family problem, and a society problem. It damages families, relationships, neighborhoods, schools, and workplaces to name a few. We all need to become better educated on addiction and do what we can to fix this growing epidemic. I know many of you don'...

I've been thinking about the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder." If I actually researched the saying it was probably intended for couples separated for a length of time due to work, war, etc. many many years ago, and it probably is an accurate saying for most people. As for me, I have never believed it for the simple reason that I've experienced the opposite in regards to absence - I eventually forget. For example, if you read my blog a few days ago you know of the current situation that I'm living in now with a family member that has chose to disconnect. Of course I was hurt initially, ( I am human)  then I became angry, and now I'm at peace. I had to turn the situation over to God and continue the walk that is intended for my life at this time. As they say, " I'm too blessed to be stressed." I know as the days and months go by I won't have any reflection on this situation because that is how I operate my life. I'm not say...

I had decided it was best not to share the happenings of my life for a bit, but lately I've had some revelations through the storm that I've been traveling so I decided to share what I've learned thus far. I consider myself to be very intuitive, spiritual, and one that always walks in faith. Lately my faith and intuition has been tested. I was hit with a bomb which I initially reacted from my heart instead of taking a moment to process what had been said and pray for direction. After a restless night of relentless prayer I received an answer with a different perspective. That perspective led me to make a decision to rely on my heart or trust God - I chose God which wasn't the popular choice. I have now been removed out of the life of a family member and my grandchildren. I'm not going to pretend that it's not hurtful, but I have to trust and have faith in the process. When God chooses us we might not understand His purpose, but I know that His plan for my li...

When I announced a few month ago that I was back blogging - that really was the plan. I planned on blogging three times a week. (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) Well, it's Thursday and I'm just sitting down in front of my laptop debating if I want to do this at all. I have always been able to share pieces of my life without apprehension, but today I feel torn because of recent circumstances in my life. I decided to go ahead and write because writing makes my soul feel better, and today my soul is hurting. Not sure if there will be more blogs in the future though - I'm taking this one day at a time. I've lost a lot of things over my life time thus far (key word- things) but today unfortunately what I'm losing is people. People that are a huge part of my life and are suppose to stay in my life until the day that I die. The ones that are your cheerleaders, your go to people, the ones that understand and trust you, aka family. Instead, I've become a punching bag...

This inspirational quote was sent to me a few weeks ago. I loved the message so I saved it, but I didn't put too much thought into it until I had an Ah -ha moment after a meditation. It was last week and I was feeling overwhelmed dealing with a family member. I tried having a conversation offering guidance and expressing my concerns, but the response that I received was, "You're not my life coach - I didn't hire you." Okay, fair enough I thought, so I shut myself in my bedroom to do a meditation assignment. I honestly didn't think I would be able to focus, but I needed to create some peace within myself since I don't function well with chaos, and I was hoping for some clarity on this situation. Surprisingly, the meditation allowed me to release all the anxiety that I was feeling; so during that relaxed state I prayed for a message on what to do. Towards the end of the medication you were asked to visualize a huge white canvas and create whatever ...

I spent today running around gathering items for a baby shower that we're hosting for my eldest daughter this weekend. (Tenth grandchild coming soon) It was during this time that I started thinking about how precious our moments in life really are. I believe most of us live each day as if we're guaranteed of tomorrow. I faithfully thank God every morning for another day, but I really never embrace all of my moments that I'm blessed with. I just assume that there will be another time - which is probably the healthy thing to do because I can't imagine each day thinking this will be the day of my demise. I do think though that there's something to be said about the saying, live each day as if it was your last . I'm going to put more effort into my days being filled with moments that create memories for myself and for the people that are a part of my life. I want memories that last up until my mind can no longer hold on to them, but ones that will live in my h...

Everyone that knows me well is very familiar with me preaching that life is short so live it to its fullest because none of us know what the future has in store for us. Many years ago when I was in insurance they constantly preached to us that none of us know our demise. I really started thinking about how true that was and decided I really needed to live my life. Which brought me to the conclusion that a corporate life wasn't for me, but it also made realize that we need to slow down and do the things that we love. No excuses that there isn't enough time or enough money. We need to be true to ourselves and make the time. I didn't wake up thinking about life being short until my husband checked his work email and learned that his boss passed away this morning. He was younger than us and has a young child and a wife that he has left behind, and of course many many loved ones. It's so sad and so hard to believe at this very moment. When you arise in the morning, t...

Many years ago my good high school friend Terri suggested that I buy the land behind hers. She has cattle and horses - at that time I couldn't see me in the country, but I'm officially ready to trade the stilettos for boots and the traffic noise for the sound of nature. I'm ready for a change - I know where I want to grow old and it's not in the busy crazy world that I'm living in now. I was telling my niece when I saw her on Friday that I'm at a point in my life where I really want to enjoy Gods creation. I want to see wildlife, wake up to birds chirping and go to bed looking at the sunset. So I am diligently searching for my new venue. Yesterday Tom and I took a drive to do some shooting to get away and relax a bit... had a good time! Have a fabulous Monday! My profession is to always find God in nature.                                             ...

I woke up to an email this morning that reminded me how blessed I am to have faith and trust in God to lead and guide me in my life. I thought that a decision that I had made was through the guidance of God, but now I know it was a decision that I had made from my heart. I'm just thankful that I heard the correct message before I was in too deep. I have to admit that I'm feeling some disappointment and anger, but I do know that I will be where I need to be when the time is right. Have a blessed Sunday!

Yesterday my husband was on his way home from work on his motorcycle and he slipped on an oil spill while exiting the freeway. I asked if anyone stopped to help him and he said, "No, but the traffic did stop and wait for me to pick up my bike. What's wrong with people? Are we all in that big of a hurry that we can't take a minute out of our day to help someone and check to see if they're okay? Fortunately he ended up with just a few bad cuts and scrapes on his arm and leg. I didn't see him when he left this morning but I'm pretty sure his body is sore today. Yesterday was National Thank You Day and I thank God that he walked away with just a few cuts and scrapes. It could have been much worse. "Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."  Author Unknown Have a safe Friday!