Murraytalk

When I announced a few month ago that I was back blogging - that really was the plan. I planned on blogging three times a week. (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) Well, it's Thursday and I'm just sitting down in front of my laptop debating if I want to do this at all. I have always been able to share pieces of my life without apprehension, but today I feel torn because of recent circumstances in my life. I decided to go ahead and write because writing makes my soul feel better, and today my soul is hurting. Not sure if there will be more blogs in the future though - I'm taking this one day at a time. I've lost a lot of things over my life time thus far (key word- things) but today unfortunately what I'm losing is people. People that are a huge part of my life and are suppose to stay in my life until the day that I die. The ones that are your cheerleaders, your go to people, the ones that understand and trust you, aka family. Instead, I've become a punching bag...

Home from Tucson... tired but happy that I went. My father in law came home on Saturday - I ended up seeing him after I said I wasn't. He was very aware of who was in the room - he tried sitting up to greet each of us and answered when we spoke to him. He didn't look as bad as I anticipated so I'm glad that I saw him again. On Friday the nurse said we were looking at 2 days - today she said Monday or Tuesday, but it's all in God's time. I'm just praying that he leaves us in his sleep with no pain. I did my Eegees and  Lucky Wishbone run and it was delicious!

I went to bed thinking of my husband with his father.                                                                                 This morning when we talked he said, "This is tough, but you know." It is tough, but the reward of being by a loved one's side before they go on their journey to Heaven is a beautiful thing. I know his experience is harder because his father is in pain, but God gives us the strength to do hard things. I still have the memory of my sisters and I by my mother's bed feeding her ice chips, holding her hand, talking to her and praying for her. For me, that time allowed me to have real moments with my sister's and my mother. Tom has been sitting by his side talking to him and holding his hand as he responds with moaning and grunting. I know how frustrating ...

It's been a lot of years of waiting for my son to fix himself, and some of those years I've asked myself if he ever will. He stopped by the beginning of the week to get his social security card and that was the last that I've seen or heard from him. Since he doesn't have a cell phone there's no way for me to get in touch with him, so I do what I always do... pray.  I'm not sure what his "rock bottom" is that everyone says he needs to hit, but I'm praying it happens soon so his lifestyle doesn't become his life.  So for now it's waiting, praying, and living - what else is there? I can't let his behavior consume my life or steal my joy - there's no guarantees in life, so I have to live and love life to its fullest while I still can. "As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break oth...

Hospice and Treatment are consuming my mind at the moment. My husband received an email from his sister yesterday saying that hospice would be going to his parents home beginning today for his father. We all knew in our hearts that he wasn't getting better, but Hospice - my husband and I weren't prepared for that - at least I wasn't. My father in law Last night we dropped my daughter off for treatment for a minimum of 28 days. It was one of the most difficult things I have done as a parent. I'm proud of her - I know how hard it was for her to walk in that door and not turn around and walk out. She has struggled for a long time, so this is going to be a good thing for her and everyone involved. As for me, my head is full of mixed emotions - it's just too much. But, I don't let anything keep me down, I can't, or some one would end up having to work hard on getting me to function again... I know that about me. When my mother passed away I told myself I...