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Broken

When I announced a few month ago that I was back blogging - that really was the plan. I planned on blogging three times a week. (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) Well, it's Thursday and I'm just sitting down in front of my laptop debating if I want to do this at all.
I have always been able to share pieces of my life without apprehension, but today I feel torn because of recent circumstances in my life.
I decided to go ahead and write because writing makes my soul feel better, and today my soul is hurting. Not sure if there will be more blogs in the future though - I'm taking this one day at a time.

I've lost a lot of things over my life time thus far (key word- things) but today unfortunately what I'm losing is people. People that are a huge part of my life and are suppose to stay in my life until the day that I die. The ones that are your cheerleaders, your go to people, the ones that understand and trust you, aka family. Instead, I've become a punching bag, the one that you can say mean and hurtful words to without apology, and the one that is no longer needed to work on keeping the family together. I can take the punches because that's who I am - a fighter for what I believe in, but I can't pretend that I have no feelings - I'm human so naturally hurt and sadness is part of my emotions. I don't think others are aware of that, which I'll take responsibility for because I don't break often.

Furthermore, I don't pretend to understand all of the bumps in the road that God places in my life or particular family members. I don't understand His timing, and sometimes I never understand the lesson that I'm suppose to walk away with. What I do know is that my faith is strong, and the God that I believe in always heals. Today though I'm not patient with my faith. I want to know why, I want to know if He's hearing my prayers, and I want answers today. I know it's selfish and egotistical of me, but it's how I'm feeling at this moment.

I know that it's unrealistic for me to ask and expect immediate answers. I most likely will wake up without answers to my question, but I'm not going to give up hope on the possibility of a miracle. Praying strong!

Peace, Love, & Hugs!

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