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My Poetry Spoke My Truth

Last week I started cleaning out one of my many file cabinets and came across a folder of poetry that I had written over twenty years ago. I had forgotten how much of my healing had come from my poems. They're a combination of Eminem and Mother Teresa depending on the day and the mood, but all of them speak my truth, and truth is what I had been searching for since I was a young child. I heard the saying, "The truth will set you free" enough times to know that I wanted that internal freedom.

Although, I never received the truth that I was so eager to receive as a child from my parents and aunt, (each of them took it to their grave)  I had to accept that I would probably never know the truth of their lives. I would never know what past hurt they endured and carried that molded them into the people that they became; and maybe that's best. As Jack Nicholson said in A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth!" Probably not, so I'm good with the not knowing. Besides, this was now about me finding my happy and my peace.

In working and walking my happy, healing and forgiveness journey, I still had those days that I felt lost, wanted to explode or run; so for me rhyming on paper allowed me to ground myself to stay on track. It's easy to slip back and stay stuck reliving past events and allowing fear to overcome the possibility of change. My writing redirected my thinking to continue moving forward. I found that really is the key to it all...find what pulls you back to continue.
Carolyn Murray
Cont;nue Your Story Isn't Over
 The word continue will forever be imbedded in my brain since it was always my go to word during those struggling years. I think it's at those times when you feel that you have nothing going for you, is when you learn who you really are and what you're made of. What I learned  was that I was stronger than I thought, and I wasn't a quitter. It was in me to continue my journey to become a better and healthier me, regardless of how many times I stumbled, because stumbling is inevitable.

My life was now about learning a new way to live, leaving the past behind, and moving forward to make a better life. I wasn't going to quit working towards my healing or give up my happiness just because I hit some bumps in the road that would sometimes trigger my thoughts to focus on the bad times. I no longer wanted to give power to the past; so when the triggers hit and my mind would begin to go sideways, I wrote and got lost in my music. I had found a new way to win the war. I knew if my mind was messed up I would lose the one thing I wasn't willing to let go - my peace. I needed my peace.

Your thinking will frame the rest of your life, so you must find a way to control your thoughts.You have to learn to do whatever enables you to sleep at night and allows you to continue each day.

Peace, Love & Hugs!


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