I am so tired of the expectations of others being placed on me. I am not you and I will continue to be who I am regardless if it fits into the cookie cutter world that you have created for yourself. I don't expect people to be in my life if it doesn't work for them, but what I do expect is, if you are a part of it accept me as I am flaws and all. I'm tired of the "you know how she is" whispers. The " she needs to fix that" conversations, and the trying to control what I say and do. The solution to those concerns are simple...Don't be involved in my life.
The one thing that has always been missing in my family is no one really hears the words that are being said, so there's no real understanding of what is hurtful or what takes me back to a place that I don't want to revisit. I can sit and say all of the things that I don't want because I know what it will do to me, but receive it anyway because that's what they want. My voice isn't heard and my feelings aren't important. Each and every day I choose to be happy because it's easy for me to slip back to a dark place. I know what things do that to me, so if I say no or stop there's a solid reason behind it, and the request should be respected. There are legitimate reasons for my crazy. We can work on ourselves and heal from past events, but that doesn't mean that we don't have scars from our past that have messed us up in ways that every now and then it feels like a switch turned off and once again you're surrounded by darkness.
I participate in a lot of activities and gatherings that at times I have to give myself the old you can do it talk, but I choose to do it so I survive it without any setbacks. But, when it's directed at me, pushed on me, and it isn't feeding my soul; listen when I'm telling you it's too much, because I'm at the beginning stage of feeling like I'm slowly being suffocated, and when you can't breathe you fight to get your breath back. It has nothing to do with lack of appreciation, but everything to do with my well being.
We must be mindful and respectful of other people's feelings because you never know what may trigger a memory that turns off their light and leaves them in darkness.
“But feelings can't be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.”
― Anne Frank,
― Anne Frank,
Peace, love, and hugs!