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My New Journey

I had to look at the date of my last blog, which was Aug. 2016 to remember the last time I took a few minutes of my time to sit and share my thoughts.

Five months is a long time and quite a few changes have occurred for me. The most recent is finding out that I would no longer be watching three of my grandchildren. (I have 11) I have been watching this set consistently for the past seven years - partially because my son was in active addiction during those years. I found out through the slip of the tongue from my seven year old granddaughter that they were opting out of continuing to bring them to me. I felt a mixture of emotions, but anger was my initial feeling and the most difficult for me to get past because I felt that I deserved more. I deserved a conversation, and I deserved gratitude; both of which I didn't receive.
I ended up initiating the conversation because in order for me to have peace I have to confront situations that don't settle well in my soul. I expressed how ungrateful they were, but as the words came out of my mouth I mentally was reminded that I had unrealistic expectations. I know that people aren't going to act the way I expect them to act, and I can't expect them to be me. So, why talk about it to them - they just didn't get it and probably won't anytime soon. I vented, but to close friends and trustworthy family members because I needed to get it out in order to let it go - then I prayed and meditated.

I also decided to job search and on the third day of  attaching my resume to job after job I kept seeing my blog. I tried to shake thinking about it, but the thought was there to stay no matter how hard I worked to release it; so I took a few minutes and decided that God and I needed to have a talk. I was bold with my conversation explaining to Him that I had already walked that path and I was ready for a new journey, and I went back to my job search, but my blog continued to consume my thoughts. But, this time it was different - unrestricted. I have always been truthful with what I have shared, but it was always on the conservative side. That was my message - blog but say it like it was...no sugar coating this time around, and since I walk in faith I'm going to do it!

Those that know me well have heard my testimony - it's time I share it with the world.
I will soon be (with the grace of God) celebrating 58 years of life and 40 years of marriage. Experience, setbacks, hurts, sorrows, having a father that was a pedophile, a mother that had no fight in her, joy that I worked years to get, and how I achieved peace that enables me to sleep at night is what you will be reading from this day forward. I can't wait to begin this new journey!



Peace, love, & hugs!  


CarolynMurray
Cheers to my new journey!

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