Murraytalk

 It's so easy to get caught up and stuck on negative words that have been said to us, along with believing the labels that have been placed upon us. It makes us forget who we really are because we begin to believe the lies and lose sight of our goals, our dreams, and our purpose. We begin to believe the labels that are given to us. My father always had the comment,  "is that the best that you can do?" , no matter what I did. I carried the not good enough label way into my twenties. My mother always commented on weight, so I also carried the body image label. I became obsessed with working out for many years. Although I enjoyed the lifestyle of working out and being physically fit; I realized I was doing for reasons other than my health. I was reminded of this when I met with a client last week. I had an emotional and deep conversation with a young man that started out in anger, quickly turned into tears, and ended with clarity and restored faith. Everything h...

I don't want to say that I work really hard to be a good person, because that would imply that's not the true essence of who I am. The way I live my life is simple - honesty, loyalty, trust, and prayer. If you live your life based on lies, I don't trust anything that you say or do. It's a personal thing. When you grow up in an environment based on secrets and lies, you value and respect honesty. I had the honesty conversation with one of my granddaughters last night when my grandson blurted out some things that are going on in their home. Immediately my granddaughter reprimanded him stating that they're not suppose to tell people their parents business. I'm not going to lie, when she said that to him, the flashbacks started coming. I calmly explained to her that adults should never ask children to keep their secrets or lies, and if they live in fear of their business being told, maybe they should be living their life right, because I'm good with people ...

I made a decision last night to get off of Facebook. Lately most everything I come across is negative. I'm well aware that there's some major issues happening in the world that we're living in today, but that isn't why I'm on Facebook. I don't want to see abused people, abused animals, hungry children, or read hateful angry rants because people aren't open minded and try to control the opinions of others. Maybe I'm following the wrong people, but either way, it just wasn't feeding my soul any longer. The time had come for me to eliminate it from my life for awhile. I also made the decision to clean my camp as well. I've worked way too hard on myself to allow people to use me or play emotional games with me. Those that know me well should know that I detach easily and I trust few. I'm what happens when you grow up in a home full of lies, secrets, and broken promises - it teaches you to trust no one, and to walk away with out looking back. A...

I read a few bible versus each morning, some positive quotes, and end in prayer before I begin my day. This morning after everything that I read, Galatians 6:9 came to my mind. As motivating as that verse is, all I could think of is, I'm tired. I'm tired of committing twelve years of my life to a drug addict. I'm tired of doing good deeds for people that are unappreciative and never change. I'm tired of threats and verbal abuse. I'm tired of rescuing, tired of my family being torn apart, and extremely saddened and tired of my grandchildren living in a nightmare. The truth is, I have grown weary and I have given up. I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to separate myself from my son more than I already had. I could tell that he had relapsed once again, and I knew that for my own peace I had to have little or no contact with him. Furthermore, he had made it clear by changing his name on Facebook to his birth name, and referring to the only father he's ...

Yesterday evening before bed I begin thinking about my life as a Life Coach. My thought was that I can help others find balance, hope, and restore their faith, but in my immediate family there's some that I just can't seem to reach. I know that people have to be ready for change, but it saddens me to witness suffering that can be avoided by making changes to their life. My thoughts took me to questioning God's plan for my life - is this really my purpose? I had to give myself a quick pep talk to stay focused on what I know is true, and to keep my mind from slipping to a place of defeat. I had to remind myself that no matter how many setbacks or disappointments that enter my life, God still has a great plan for me. I can't allow myself to lose hope - if I don't have hope I won't have faith, and I've lived that life before - I have no intentions of going back. I have to take what God has given me, my special talents, and do all that I can do wi...

I had a Superwoman moment this morning. Actually a day in my house with animals and children is always a job for Superwoman, but today I actually had to leap in a single bound. I have a 16 year old Pekingese that has a bad back leg, her hearing is almost gone, she can barely see, and the majority of the time I'm issuing a Silver Alert because she gets lost in the house and can't find her way back to the kitchen.  This morning after walking in circles for awhile and making a couple of trips down the hallway, she finally made it to the kitchen to go out. I let her out while having my typical  I don't want to conversation with the 2 year old, along with me calming the fussy newborn. The 6 year old had already decided to escape all of the chaos by retreating to her room. I'm also now trying to ignore the horrible sound coming from the piano that the 2 year old left open when he finished pretending that he was reading music, playing the piano, and singing to me his ...

This song has been one of my favorites for several years, Lately I can't seem to get it out of my head with all the violence that's going on. Music has always been my escape and my salvation - this song has always spoke truth to me and reminds me that there's still too much suffering in the world that we live in. I think most of  us are working so hard to secure our future that we begin to live our lives in a box, forgetting those that are working hard just to see tomorrow. Sometimes the only thing that reminds us that we're living in a hurting world is something horrific taking place that shakes us a little, and then something sparks inside of us - it either sparks compassion or hate, but either way it's a reminder of the world that we're living in. Click the link for the lyrics. https://play.google.com/music/preview/Tvwgltfftxzgtndoxsdjjkpnlem?lyrics=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-lyrics Ha...

Boy am I happy for Monday! I had a draining Sunday due to a situation that happened and stayed in my thoughts longer than it should have. So today I'm going to write about it and release it. A gentleman around the age of 60 that had both legs amputated decided that myself and a coworker was his verbal punching bag. As he screamed at us he always managed to say, I'm an amputee in each sentence. We both remained as calm as humanely possible, and I mentally reminded myself as the horrible and hurtful words were spewing out of his mouth - hurting people often hurt people as a result of their unresolved issues. But, what I also was reminded of  how damaging words can be. I went home and had dinner with my family, relaxed, and did my usual night routine, but I continued hearing his hateful words. I couldn't seem to shake those thoughts. It could be that I hadn't experienced behavior as such after I left home at 18, so I wasn't mentally prepared for it, or he trigge...

I follow quite a few groups and blogs regarding addiction - yesterday as I listened to Rockers in Recovery live on facebook, it just reconfirmed to me how drug addiction is a growing problem that too many children and adults are losing their life to. It's not just a select few that many would like to think - it's people in our family, friends, and co-workers. I read on ASAM that drug overdose is the leading cause of accidental death in the US, and of the 21.5 million Americans, 12 and older had a substance abuse disorder in 2014, 1.9 million involved prescription pain killers, and 586,000 involved heroin. Do you see the problem?  I have addiction in my family and it is not just the problem of the addict, it becomes a family problem, and a society problem. It damages families, relationships, neighborhoods, schools, and workplaces to name a few. We all need to become better educated on addiction and do what we can to fix this growing epidemic. I know many of you don'...

I don't have a lot of great childhood memories, but food is one memory that has stuck with me. My father loved to cook and share his food. I now know that food was his love language - it's a love language that speaks to all five senses. I think I inherited a little of it because I am a food pusher. Alright, I'll be honest - food is my love language. I love to cook it, share it, and eat it - I love food! Anyway, he use to make this dish that he called Geechi Pie that was to die for. I've been craving it for approximately 30 years, and have asked every black woman that I meet that is over the age of 70 how to make it. Thus far I haven't found the right woman with the recipe that I'm seeking. So yesterday I decided to try and recreate it simply from memory of taste and looks. What it is basically is a beef pie with Mexican spices. I remember the broth being natural juices, but I decided to flour and sear my meat before I threw it in the crock ( he didn...

My husband and I have been planning a renewal wedding for our 40th Anniversary in 2017. As we threw around a few ideas over lunch, the number 40 stuck in my mind - that's a lot of years! I started thinking about how much growth we've had since starting this union at 18 years of age. I thought could I give 40 tips for a successful marriage if asked, probably not, but here is a list of 40 things about our marriage that keeps us going. 1. We established roles at the beginning of our marriage. It's not that we don't help each other out, but he does things like the yard, trash, the cars, and I do the inside stuff such as cooking, laundry, and keeping the house neat and tidy. Honestly, I don't remember discussing these designated roles, but we've always done it and it's worked for us. 2. We agree to disagree which is typically accomplished by changing the subject or silence. 3. We laugh at each other. I probably more at him, but we both find humor in ea...

I hear it, see it in quotes daily, and I preach it - everyone is fighting a battle so show kindness, compassion, and don't judge others. But yesterday was one of those days that the battles of others became my battle, and I wasn't very respectful. I didn't have compassion for the adults involved, and there was some judgment on my part since it's a reoccurring situation that has been happening for too many years. As the day went on I questioned my behavior because it wasn't fair to the person that I exploded on because she was emotionally hurting, but I was hurting as well because my grandchildren are the recipients of this storm. It stirs up a basket full of emotions for me because I was that child; going through life weathering the storm. I never knew if it would be a day of sunshine and birds chirping, or a thunderstorm that makes you hide under the covers and shiver. It's not the way life should be lived, so I work on doing what ever I can to create the...

I'm not sure at what age I learned to appreciate and acknowledge what others do for me; but as an adult it is something that I always practice. People have their own lives to manage, and we're all busy juggling what life throws at us unexpectedly, so the fact that someone takes the time to do kind and thoughtful things for me cannot go without acknowledgement as far as I'm concerned. I'm talking about a simple thank you that can now be sent through a text. I'm probably one of the rare breeds that loves to send cards, so I don't have that expectation from others. I'm sure most of you are saying that I shouldn't have any expectations, but I do. I believe in the words  thank you, and it is the two words that we are taught as toddlers. We hand them something and almost immediately we ask, now what do you say, and they mutter thank you . So from this day forward I will say, now what do you say , to those that have forgotten that lesson. Furthermore,...

I'm going to vent today. Last night I was on a break talking to a co-worker when I took a look at Facebook for a quick minute. What I was seeing made me think about the people that I have as friends on this social network. First of all let's be honest - most of us are not real friends. I truly have a handful of people that really know me.(family not included) I'm noticing that some that I have accepted as friends aren't really my cup of tea. For example, don't threaten that you're going to delete everyone that doesn't agree with you politically, and I see that I'm still your friend. Now I'm thinking you're a liar. Furthermore, does anyone have their own thoughts anymore? My real friends know that I'm not political - I'm about right and wrong. They also know that I don't agree just to agree - if you're my friend you respect that. I don't believe that it's acceptable to make rude and disparaging remarks about human being...

HAPPY NATIONAL FRIENDSHIP DAY! Those that know me well know that I'm not big on all of these designated days, unless of course it's National Wine Day; but friendship was already on my mind before I realized what day it was. I have a small circle of friends because my friendships are extremely important to me. I value them and I never take the relationship for granted. I know that my friends are one of God's many blessings to me - I'm grateful for each and everyone of them. Here's what being my friend boils down to: There's certain expectations that I have with my friends - unspoken but known. Such as trust & honesty. I want to be able to share my life, both good and bad without worry of it being repeated. I want them to be honest with me regardless if I want to hear it or accept it. If I messed up tell me, because I'm sure going to tell you. I hate being too serious - I love having random conversations that make me laugh. I have a sense of hu...

I woke up thinking about addiction this morning. It's something that always lays heavy on my heart, partially because there's addiction in my family, but also because so many are losing their life to this battle. It is a battle! I know there's a lot of judgment when it comes to this topic, and I also know that there's very little conversation taking place. I read a lot of blogs and articles on addiction - from those in recovery,  families that are living with addiction, and from those that have lost loved ones due to addiction. It can no longer be a family secret - the silence needs to end.  I came across a video from Rockers In Recovery that was made for Fighting the Silence. Great message - hope you'll take the time to watch.  https://www.facebook.com/RockersInRecovery/ Have a beautiful Monday! Peace, Love, & Hugs!

I have trained myself over the years to disconnect or detach myself from situations that cause me to feel overwhelmed because it steals my peace. I over think, obsess, and lose sleep because I can't clear my mind. I replay it over and over with different scenarios of how it should have or could have been. It's definitely not a place where I like to be; but our minds are constantly filled with thoughts, and unfortunately some that are  troublesome. From negative thoughts to visions of terrifying things that may happen. By the way, the terrifying horrible things seldom happen, and a thought is just a thought.  But as we all know situations occur in life that cause us to go to an emotional place that plays with our mind.  For example, I was having positive thoughts about an individual that I believed was making good choices and achieving great progress. But a conversation with a third party led my thoughts in a different direction. It broke my heart to think it was t...

I'm starting out this morning by saying Happy Anniversary to my husband of 39 years. We were 18 in this picture standing in front of the Court House in Tucson, AZ - young and determined to make it on our own.  My entire adult life I've said that my mental age is 18. It took a few courses and me analyzing myself to finally understand that 18 was the age that I found my freedom, and my peace. It would take me writing a book for you to have a clear understanding, but walking out the door of my parents home to live your own life took courage. I found my wings and flew away with my soulmate by my side, and a newborn in my arms.   There's been a lot of growth personally and family size since that day in 1977 - with some bumps in the road, but life would be a boring ride if we didn't have those bumps to teach us some of life's greatest lessons.  I'm grateful, thankful, and blessed beyond measure. I love this life and all that it has to offer! ...

I finally did it! It meaning purchasing a laptop so I can blog again and do everything else that I've been putting off. Why did I drag my feet...I'm cheap! I hate spending money. I still have toys from my first child that the grandchildren play with. (she was born in 1977) But, I took the plunge and now I'm back. I'm currently working on a video for my coaching business, and as I was collaborating with my assistant/best friend. She suggested putting up childhood pictures - newborn shots, family pics...No, I don't have any of those. She was baffled and saddened by that. I guess it is sad in a way that I don't have anything but school pictures to reflect on during my younger life. But, that life was hell, so I feel blessed that I don't have the pics to trigger bad memories. It took me years to rid myself of the mental ones. I probably would have had a burning ceremony by now to purge the memories anyway - so it's all good! It did make me think thou...

It's been a minute since I've sat in front of laptop and blogged. I guess it's been more like a year or so, but for valid reasons - life! As well planned as I think my days, my months, and my year are, inevitably it goes in a direction that I'm typically not prepared for. But with that being said, I'm all about doing the things that I love, and this is one of them. As far as my family goes, there has been additions to the family, illness, and incarceration. There has been situations that have changed the dynamics of my family in a way that I don't think there's any going back to the way it was; and I have accepted that. It just might be Gods way of showing me that I need to focus on the little things that continue to bring me happiness, and let Him handle the rest. As for me personally, I have had growth in my Life Coaching business, my t- shirts are bringing hope and joy to others, I've connected with new people, and I have been blessed with opportu...