Murraytalk

Last week I talked about how so many of us are living chaotic lives and feeling like we have no purpose. I stressed how impactful our stories are and how just a word of hope can change someone's life. It was five days after I wrote that I was led to share my story with a hurting soul that's spirit had been crushed. As I sat listening to the words that could barely be spoken as tears ran down their cheeks, I could not only see, but could feel the hopelessness and hurt. I guided, gave hope, and then I said, "I hear that you don't believe in God - why?", I asked. With no real answer given, I got it. I knew exactly where she was coming from - a place of years of hurt and disappointment. A place where you've cried too many tears and screamed out to God for help more times than you can count, and your life remains the same. I was there many years ago. I was living a life of one day not believing because I saw no changes, and another day of believing because I had...

Last week I had told myself to stop writing this blog. "What's the point I asked myself ?" I shared that thought with my good friend Deborah, and what she expressed was the reason I had started sharing my journey in the first place. It's giving hope to someone that is struggling. We never know who we will impact. There are so many people that live chaotic lives feeling like they have no purpose - I was one of them. I thought of what an impact one person sharing their story would have had on me during my darkest days when I felt nothing but hopelessness. Their survival story, or simple words such as, "You're going to make it." would have given meant everything to me. We all have the capability to be effective in significant ways for others. We can turn our "ripples" into a powerful wave that will change the life of an individual, but not while sitting in silence. Our voices can be great tools in helping heal others. People need to hear your...

I touched on how music and my poems got me through my dark moments, but what was also a huge part of my growth was my connections with people that God had placed in my path. He always had me connected with faith believing people before I had a true belief in Him. I didn't become a believer in God until 1989. I hadn't been walking in faith, I was just making my life decisions in the flesh with hopes that they would work out as I planned. In most cases they did, but I knew and felt that I was still missing something. I spent a lot of years just going through the motions of life never really being thankful for each day. I just expected tomorrow to be waiting for me. But all of that changed when I started having a reoccurring dream to move to Phoenix, AZ. I shared my dream with my husband and he applied for a job in Phoenix; went on the interview, and that was that. He didn't get the job and we didn't put much thought into it...we just continued going through the motion...

Last week I started cleaning out one of my many file cabinets and came across a folder of poetry that I had written over twenty years ago. I had forgotten how much of my healing had come from my poems. They're a combination of Eminem and Mother Teresa depending on the day and the mood, but all of them speak my truth, and truth is what I had been searching for since I was a young child. I heard the saying, "The truth will set you free" enough times to know that I wanted that internal freedom. Although, I never received the truth that I was so eager to receive as a child from my parents and aunt, (each of them took it to their grave)  I had to accept that I would probably never know the truth of their lives. I would never know what past hurt they endured and carried that molded them into the people that they became; and maybe that's best. As Jack Nicholson said in A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth!"  Probably not, so I'm good with the not ...