Murraytalk

My days of sitting in solitude gazing at the sky asking God to take me away from my home had ended. I was older and had become wise enough to recognize that no one was coming to rescue me. Life at home was the same, and year after year family came to visit from California and New Mexico always leaving us behind when they left. I was tired of carrying false hope, so at the ripe old age of 15 I made the decision to no longer believe in the God that I knew nothing about. I needed to figure my life out, and I needed to do it on my own. I only had three years left to have a solid plan. I was no longer the little girl that for eleven years sat on the curb saying childlike prayers while never losing hope of  a miracle. I was done hoping and waiting - I needed to take control of my life. I was in High School now, and although my thoughts were more positive, my focus on school just wasn't there. As much as I loved school I was consumed with thoughts of leaving home. My mind was always...

The summer before entering middle school I spent most of my weekdays at a summer program held at the elementary school, and riding around on my bike with Deborah. One day on our ride we stopped at the corner gas station where I had stopped so many times before to grab a soda for our ride. I jumped off my bike and ran to get change. When I asked for change I was told to follow Poochie into the office. I was suddenly pushed inside by King as he locked the door behind him, There I stood stuck inside a tiny space with the two men that had treated me like family. I knew that I was in trouble, so I fought...swinging, kicking and punching the two men that were working hard on ripping off my clothes. What seemed like hours I know was only minutes - thankfully Deborah's instinct signaled  that something was wrong. She pounded her fists on the door screaming at them to let me out, and they did - walking away like they had done no wrong. We rode away that day never looking back or speakin...

Today marks 58 years that God has blessed me with; and I am beyond grateful! There were many years of my life that I just took each day for granted, not acknowledging that everyday is a gift that I have been blessed with. I was too busy surviving and working to accumulate things, versus using most of that energy and time on people. I missed out on moments because I was too busy focusing on what was ahead instead of being in the now. It really wasn't until I woke up one day and found out that I had stage 4 cancer. I was in the best place in my life back then I thought. I was in great physical shape, working and going to school, but my life got turned upside down. Every time my doctor would tell me how lucky I was that I caught my cancer in time, and it was good that I listen to my body, I saw it as my wake up call from God. I had become lost with recognizing my purpose, and I was living with a more is better attitude. Don't get me wrong, I like nice things, but I don't ...

In my prior blog I mentioned my sister giving birth to a baby girl that was my father's child. I didn't feel a major shift in my life with the birth of my sister/niece. I also had a younger brother in the home at that time, so another child was my blessing of less attention directed towards me. I was at a point in my life that less was best. I cherished my solitude and would find any place without people to be. My father had an office that was detached from the main house that I would spend hours hanging out in enjoying the silence. My father liked to gamble so there were many times that  he was gone for an entire week, sometimes coming home only to grab fresh clothes. I never knew for sure when he would return, but I had become bolder with leaving the house when he was away. Such as, riding my bike around the neighborhood and staying outside until the streets lights came on. I know that sounds ridiculous to most people, but when you live in a controlled environment, it...

As you begin your journey today, be aware of the tiniest moments. It's in those moments that we often find our greatest joy.  "Keep your head up and your heart open" Peace, Love & Hugs!

My Sisters Before I continue with my journey I want to say that I have never thought of or introduced my sisters as half sisters, so I will be referring to them as my sisters. The Birth and The Truth My sister Anna was in 8th grade, the year was 1966 when she gave birth to a daughter. I was young, but in my heart I knew that this was my father's child. There was never a conversation because we didn't talk about anything real as a family, it was all just fluff. It wasn't until July of 1990 on the day before my father's funeral that my sister Anna spoke her truth. I was 31, and for the first time I saw her power and strength. I was thrilled that she had found her voice. I'm sure many thought her timing could have been better, but it was genius. She had her stage, and sometimes you only get one chance in life, and this was hers! She had the entire family waiting for her to take her turn and say something noble and grand about the evil man that di...